omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
