i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
