Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
