I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
