I want to make a zoo with you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
