I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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