I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just fell off a train. Bad.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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