So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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