He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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