I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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