I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
