We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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