I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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