apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
