thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i came on her dog
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
