You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
