I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
