The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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