my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've blown a few things in my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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