you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
