I feel like I'm in dance class right now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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