Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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