Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
