everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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