Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
