my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
