before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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