He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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