DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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