He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
