If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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