she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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