you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
