Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
