I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
