I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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