i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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