My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
