I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
