I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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