I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
