Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
