She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
