Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
