I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
