So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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