It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
