Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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