i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
