Who wears a wallet chain?!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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