so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
