Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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