Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
