Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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