There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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