YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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