I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
