you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
