i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
