i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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