Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
