Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
