I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I deserve this hangover.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
