How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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