I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
