I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
