We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
