true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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