is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
